how will i make it?

how will i make it? i just wish i was just a kid,but no, i can recall how i suffered so much when i was still young although i have a complete family we're really suffering from poverty and i dont want to be a kid again. not when i can see that all of my friends are playing while i was nursing my siblings. now that i'm a grown up already, i just wanted to help my parents in making a living. i dont want my siblings to suffer with the same poverty we had when i was still young. people think i'm strong but i'm not. i'm weak inside. i'm weak because i've got no shoulder to lean on. i only got myself. yes, i have my family but i dont want them to know that im not that strong because what they all believe is that i can make it. maybe this is how God punishes me with all my sins. i hate responsibilities but i should be responsible for my family's welfare now that i believe my father has no intentions of going back to saudi. how i hate to think about the times that we doesnt have enough money to get through the day, i dont want that to happen... i dont know what to do. how i wish God will help me. i know he will. He loves me so much, i'm sure of that.